I really need to post more often...I'm behind. But I'm catching back up.
The kids spend 6 weeks every summer at Stella's, where they are given the Disneyland treatment...Marsha is doted on, and taken shopping for clothes that no girl her age (13) should probably be wearing, no matter how in style they are. And Johnny is...well...seems like the kid is pretty much ignored, or treated like a toy that's taken out whenever Stella or another relative feels like playing with him, but otherwise he's left to play video games. They are fed a ton of junk food, allowed to stay up as late as they want (which in Marsha's case, has turned into all-nighters a few times over), and left to sit around.
Before the kids left, I, along with Guy, had set up an Instagram account and a Facebook profile for Marsha, so that she wouldn't be doing so while in Stella's care which could result in our being blocked from seeing what she's doing online. We put together a list of rules that included things like, "Posts containing personal drama are not allowed and will be deleted," and "Bad language and/or lewd pictures will not be tolerated on your account, nor anyone else's, and any connections displaying such profanity or pictures will be removed from your contacts list and blocked." There were others, as well, but it doesn't matter now! Marsha has pretty much violated every single rule on the list. Especially the, "DO NOT FRIEND/FOLLOW/ALLOW FOLLOW-BACKS FROM PEOPLE YOU DO NOT KNOW." Jesus H. Christ. WHY is that one so hard to understand?
From where I am, I have been monitoring Marsha's accounts as best I could (as much as he tries, Guy just doesn't understand social media, doesn't really want to, and finds it a nuisance so he leaves that up to me)...without censoring so much that it would cause her to complain to Stella...although, even with the little bit of monitoring and censorship I've done (hello...Stella is obviously not paying attention...Marsha has been sending her photos around to random "beauty contests" on Instagram, and there are people in her feed who are posting completely inappropriate pictures...such as a large, black woman bent over, no underwear, with her va-jay-jay hanging out for everyone to see...that doesn't need to be popping up in ANYONE's Instagram, let along that of a 13-year-old girl)....I've still gotten bitched at by Stella. Whatever. I'll never win.
So a couple of weeks ago, I dared to text Marsha on the cell phone that's provided to her by Stella on Stella's parenting time (something we didn't know about until Marsha told us that her mom had been giving her a cell phone on long visits, until a week before the kids left this summer). All I was trying to do for chrissakes was ask the kid what sport she wanted to be signed up for. Hours went by with no reply, so I tried texting her again. The kid finally got back to me. No "thank you" no nothing. Just "I was busy. I'll play volleyball." Um...ok. The next day, Guy gets a note from Stella stating that she wants him, to tell me, not to text Marsha anymore and not to expect her to answer the texts I send "every 5 minutes." o.O? Five days go by. Guy has had a few phone convos with the kids. Reminded Marsha that she needed to thank me for signing her up for volleyball...kid says, "Yeah, I know, I'll do it later." On the 6th night after the sports conversation via delayed text, the kids call Guy for their nightly catch-up and I actually answer the phone (which I don't usually do). Marsha says hi and, "Oh yeah...thanks for volleyball!" To which I replied, "Sorry Marsha....actually that 'thank you' is a bit late, and since you clearly had time to post selfies online but not take a few seconds to even text me a thank you, I haven't signed you up." "Uh, what do you mean?" "I haven't signed you up, given your ingratitude and I don't know if I'm going to. We'll have to talk when you get home." "Uh, ok whatever." "Yup. Whatever."
A few days later, I had checked Marsha's Instagram and found all of the beauty contests, and a bunch of "TBH" (to be honest) comments from people that said, "I don't know you...but...tbh...your dimples are cute." Uh...ok. So who is that person, Marsha? Clearly no one who knows you. I started culling her account. She went from following 640ish people down to 580, and from being followed by 720ish people down to 680 or so. I realize that amassing the greatest number of followers/friends/whatevers is a display of social standing with these kids, but again, Jesus H. Christ. That's ridiculous.
Around 11pm that night, Marsha is FREAKING OUT ABOUT HER INSTAGRAM ACCOUNT. She's texting me, she's Facebook messaging me, she's calling, she's calling the house phone because I ignored all of her other attempts at getting a hold of me at 11pm...so THEN she calls Guy's phone, he lets it go to voicemail, and she leaves him a message. "Uh, yeah...HELLO, this is MARSHA, YOUR DAUGHTER. Um, I need to know what's going on with my Instagram account, because a bunch of my followers have been removed, and I know you don't really deal with that stuff but OtherMother does, and I need to know what's going on, or I need to change my password because I've been hacked. Call me back." Well, ok then!
Guy did end up calling her back, and he put her in her place, thankfully. No, she should NOT be blowing us up after 11pm on a week night over social media. Her tone in that message was not ok, and we'll do what we like with her account and she has no say, so suck it up buttercup. She shut up. But man, I'm still pissed. Pissed because she was so fucking rude. And we haven't had a chance to resolve it because she's been gone and her dear mother probably was using that opportunity to badmouth me. Predictably.
I realize all of this sounds petty. I do. I realize that Guy and I have pretty much no control over what Marsha does while she's with her mother. I realize that all of the selfies, and lack of awareness with online activities and their reach is very typical of kids Marsha's age. I realize that the fashions right now for tween/teen girls are pretty skimpy. But those are all things we don't allow in our home. Marsha will COVER UP. Her clothes will actually have to fit the guidelines provided in the school dress code (so, only thick-strap tanks, no deep v-necks, no midriff tops - all shirts have to cover ALL of her belly on their own - her fingertips and the hems of her shorts have to touch the same spot when her arms are down at her sides...), no more freaking selfies online (we all know what she looks like....or at the very least, she needs to keep the number to a minimum), bedtime is before 3am (yeah! Sounds funny! But she's apparently been going to bed between 3am and 5am every day if she hasn't been staying up all night....), no more Instagram since she's proven she can't use it safely nor appropriately, no more unlocked cell phone (and no more cell phone after 10pm, period). She'll also have to lose the acrylic nails her grandmother took her to get (seriously? For a 13 year old who plays sports? Stupid.). And we're not going to let her keep up the ombre-red/blonde hair dye job that her mom and "Mommy's bestie!" gave Marsha the first week she was at her mom's. Kid needed a HAIRCUT. Kid was not given haircut. Now kid has to have at least 3 inches cut off in order to get rid of the dead ends on her hair...which will also get rid of some of the dye job. Kid is being brought back to reality, and it's not going to be pretty.
Marsha is only 13!! I think Stella sees so much of herself in that kid that she's now living vicariously through her. Which is why at such a young age, Marsha has been permitted to dye her hair, get fake nails, and dress a few years above her age (and even if she were a few years older, I still wouldn't like what she's wearing and find it too skimpy!! But at least at a few years older she'd have a better understanding of the messages she's sending others by the way she's dressing, and be better able to handle how people will treat her because of that). The kid is being encouraged to grow up too fast. And when she comes home, we have to reel her back in and remind her that she's 13, and she'll look like she's 13, and she'll be treated like she's 13. The reprogramming is horrible. Taking away the freedoms Stella gave Marsha is no fun either...but those freedoms were something that shouldn't have been given to the child in the first place.
To top it off, I've spoken to the kids maybe a handful of times since they left for that visit. I get it...kinda. Stella really doesn't encourage the kids to talk to me, because she hates me (and, well, the feeling is mutual). Johnny is too young, at nearly 9 years old, to know what to do. Plus, he doesn't really like the phone. Marsha, though, is old enough to know better. She's been talking ABOUT me clearly, based on some of the nasty-grams Guy has received this summer, and every summer the kids have been gone since the custody change. But she doesn't want to talk TO me or show me respect. She wants me to sign her up for sports, and cart her around, and buy her things when she gets home. But she doesn't want to treat me appropriately or graciously. I'm the kids' main caretaker 80% of the time. 300 days a year. But when they're gone, Marsha badmouths me, and I'm treated as if I shouldn't exist. It sucks.
So with Guy's permission, I'll be treating Marsha as if SHE doesn't exist. She doesn't want to be kind to me? Well, then I don't have to interact with her. Coming to accept that it's ok for me to do that as a step-parent was hard. The thought of disengaging made me feel like I was giving up, and I don't want to give up. It also made me feel like I was failing as a parent, but since I'm the step-parent, I actually get to disengage from the kids when I feel I need to. Guy and I agreed that if Marsha isn't going to treat me like a mother, then I'm not going to act like one to her. I'll be a nanny. I don't owe her anything, I just need to make sure she doesn't get into trouble and is well-behaved at home, and when she misbehaves I will send her to her room, report to Guy, and he'll deal with her when he's home. Guy is fully ready, and has been, to step up and just handle her on his own, and he and I agreed that if Marsha gives me attitude, she can go to her room. Period. Maybe a bit of time in "solitary" will improve her mood.
I feel badly that I just don't like that kid. Johnny is awesome, by contrast. Sweet, appreciative, kind, and he doesn't argue with me (I know one day he'll start...but he doesn't right now). So in turn, I reward him by getting him extra stuff for sports and bending over backward to make sure he can do the activities he wants to do. I'm nice to him. I'll do things for him above and beyond the normal day-to-day care taking. Because the kid deserves it. Marsha of course sees this and believes that I'm playing favorites. It takes a lot of restraint not to bitch at her, but I bite my tongue and just remind her that people who are nice to me get niceties in return.
I hope it gets easier. I'm not sure it will. Marsha is still in therapy, it doesn't always seem to be working, but we're trying to get her some perspective. And in the meantime, I'm trying not to dread the kids' homecoming too much...but it's not easy.
Friday, August 1, 2014
Tuesday, March 25, 2014
Money. Whoa…..and woes.
I haven't posted in quite a while….it's been a weird year, but Guy and I did manage to get married! He proposed nearly a year ago, planned a big surprise with the help of the kids, got a bunch of our friends from out of the area, and in the area, together and popped the question. Six months later…BOOM. Married.
Of course, as an engagement present, Stella decided to stop paying any reimbursements or monies due to Guy, other than the child support that was automatically being deducted from her paycheck. Then three months after that, I was let-go from the job I'd had for 6 years, and THEN a week after that, Stella got herself fired, too! Wow…go figure. And the timing…well…I got fired on the last day the kids had school because it also happened to be just at the end of the fiscal year at my last job. So at least we didn't have daycare to pay for over the next few weeks. Stella got fired a week before the kids were to spend a few weeks with her. Same thing…that…happened…..to her....the….previous…..year…….. So, Stella spent the first 4 weeks of her summer visitation at home with the kids (and with no car…we're pretty sure she took out a title loan on it, then the car broke, then she defaulted on the loan, and the car was "removed" from her apartment complex without her consent. Second time that's happened.). After 4 weeks, just as the summer before, she started up hard with the job search and found a new "career!" (every new job is a "Fantastic New Career!!"), most likely because she could never handle having the kids around 24/7 for long periods of time. I kind-of empathize with her, because I get stressed out every time vacation comes around and I'm stuck home to entertain them. But then again, she chose to have kids. I inherited them. Oh, she didn't start really paying child support after she found work again, but hey….got that new job. And was hauled into court by Guy right around her start for non-payment of child support and reimbursements while she HAD a job the four months before that, so she was forced to tell the judge where she then worked, and child support started getting garnished again a few weeks before the wedding. Then after the wedding, I finally found another job. A MUCH BETTER job, and I'm so grateful for it….
Because three days after Christmas, then Guy was fired from HIS job. And didn't find another one until about 6 weeks later. He's working now, but our finances are screwed….and Stella changed jobs AGAIN about a week after Guy started working…. We just can't win. We did find out where she's working, again, but in the last 6 weeks we've only gotten 1 child support payment, where 3 should have been received.
The problem we're facing now, aside from the usual crap we put up with from Stella, is clearly financial and it's straining our brand-new marriage. I'm suddenly the primary breadwinner in the household (and as much as Guy says that's cool, it's clearly not). Plus, now we actually NEED the child support.
Almost all of my girlfriends who are in this situation say, "NEVER depend on child support." They're right. But what about when you need it and it isn't there? Even Dave Ramsey, the God of Budgeting and Cash Management, says that if you receive CS, it should be incorporated into your household budget. The problem is, trying to make sure it comes in, when you need it, so that that you can balance that budget. That's where we're failing miserably right now.
What are our options? Normally, we have two paths - go through the court, or go through the State and have them deal with it.
We tried the court path first, last year, when Stella had initially been refusing to pay her reimbursements due and refusing to pay her child support, despite being employed. Brief recap of the timeline, plus when we tried to go through the courts….6 months after the custody change, Stella lost the job she'd had for 4 1/2 years. Poof went the benefits she'd been providing, and poof went child support, yet she never told the court she was unemployed, and the balances kept racking up for the benefits and support she was supposed to be providing. Four months later, and four weeks into her visitation period with the kids that summer, she FINALLY found a new "career" but refused to tell us where she was working. Four months after that, we finally tracked down her employer, but it took a while to get child support going again and it wasn't until 2 months after finding her employer's information that we received our first payment in 5 months. Just before getting CS started again, Guy filed for enforcement through the court, and had an "enforcement conference" with an officer of the court and Stella, in which Stella was found responsible for all back-due costs, made to pay Guy's fees for bringing the matter to court in the first place, and had 2 judgments issued against her with monthly payments set. Four months after that, Guy filed for contempt against Stella, due to the fact that Stella had already, again, gotten behind on her child support payments (even though her employer was supposed to be garnishing her wages - but they were doing so incorrectly, Stella knew, and did nothing thinking it wasn't her responsibility because, of course, it never is) and she wasn't making her court-ordered payments on the judgment she was supposed to be paying on. Then I got fired, then Stella got fired the day that the Motion for Contempt hit the public docket…. Then summer started. Four weeks into that, Stella found her next new "career" and that lasted about 6 months again. Then she changed jobs voluntarily at the beginning of this year, didn't tell the court where, we tracked her down AGAIN and just submitted the paperwork for her and finally started getting CS again two weeks ago, after nothing for about 6 weeks, as previously mentioned. Is your head spinning? Because mine hasn't STOPPED spinning since 6 months after the custody change when this whole mess started.
The last court hearing happened a month after Guy and I got married, which was 3 months after Guy filed for relief, which also was the day after Stella started her next-to-last "new career" aka the job she held before the job she has now. Stella went in to the hearing with no evidence, not having filed the ORDERED financial disclosures, and crying. By contrast, Guy went in there calm, having properly filed every single thing that had been required of him, on time, and in the right format. Well, for the first time, he got SCREWED by a mother-friendly judge who, based on her ruling, didn't look at any of Guy's evidence, didn't care that Stella hadn't disclosed anything about her financial situation other than a couple of pay stubs, and the judge made reference, in the final ruling, to things Stella had sobbed out in court but for which she offered no supporting evidence. So, the judge was clearly a soft-hearted idiot who didn't like Guy and felt that Stella deserved a break….because clearly the judge hadn't read the case file, nor looked at anything that had been filed for court preparation.
Now, Guy was asking for contempt in that hearing. According to the law, had the judge bothered to enforce it, he should have gotten contempt and a bond imposed on Stella, which obviously didn't happen. The judge DID give Guy two more judgments against Stella, though….but did not specify any payments for Stella to make (so, of course, she hasn't made any). Stella is behind in child support and reimbursements AGAIN as I type this (that's THREE sets of arrears in a year), so Guy can now choose to go the enforcement, not contempt, route again that is offered by the state we deal with. This would probably result in another judgment being established, and which would be heard by a conference officer again, and then forwarded to a commissioner who sees deadbeat parents and deals with unpaid monies owed every day, not a judge who sees all family court issues. The best a commissioner could do, most likely, would be to impose that bond. But there's still all of the conference and hearing prep that we would have to do, plus a filing fee.
The option that Guy has chosen to take is to just go through the State. FINALLY. Going through Child Support Enforcement (CSE) is a drawn-out process. But for the person filing it just involves a big packet of paperwork and then the matter is taken out of the filing party's hands. This is good and bad - being a little bit of control freaks (yes…Guy and I are….) giving a state agency the responsibility of making sure there's money coming into our household from Stella is a scary thought. State agencies are slow. They are backlogged (why are they always backlogged?), and they give the most attention to cases in which one of the parties was receiving state or federal assistance, like unemployment, food stamps, or Medicaid, because they want to make their money back. Rarely does anyone mention that when they bring up going through the state for enforcement…if you take assistance from the state and get food stamps or welfare, but you're owed child support, the state will want their money back from the party who was supposed to be paying you in the first place because presumably, if you had been getting the support you were due, you wouldn't have needed food stamps or welfare. Alternatively, if you owe child support but you're receiving government aid, the state is going to want to get to your case first, because if they're spending money on you that they shouldn't be, they want to know about it.
The reason that going through the state is a good thing, though, is because they take care of EVERYTHING. They handle modifications for free when they're requested. They go after the child support obligee when payments aren't received on time or in full. They can seize tax returns, take chunks of unemployment payments (which is especially helpful with you're dealing with a parent who "gets fired" a lot and is constantly on the dole), and they can even seize passports and driver's licenses (which is often a good incentive for obligees to get their butts in gear and pay their support, so that they can continue to legally drive at least to work and/or travel and avoid making that hole they've dug themselves any bigger). But again, as none of the parties in our case (not Guy, and not Stella….she keeps applying for unemployment and keeps getting rejected…weird….) have received state's assistance, Guy's case will go at the bottom of the pile, and we'll be lucky if we hear anything in the next 3 months.
In the meantime, we'll try and get by. Kids are SO EXPENSIVE, especially given the fact that Marsha needed to be put in therapy following last summer's visit with Stella and her clan (so, that's been approximately 6 months of therapy at this point…and is a story for another post), plus Marsha is extremely destructive where her clothing is concerned and it constantly needs replacing because she's splitting it open or making holes in it. And the kids are in sports (which we've determined is a need in their case - a constructive outlet). And they're growing, and eating…a lot…. and I had to take on the cost of the medical insurance because my job has benefits and Guy's does not…. Money is not our friend right now.
Hopefully things will get better. But for right now, they're tough. But hey, at least we started getting child support! Until Stella gets herself fired…again….
Of course, as an engagement present, Stella decided to stop paying any reimbursements or monies due to Guy, other than the child support that was automatically being deducted from her paycheck. Then three months after that, I was let-go from the job I'd had for 6 years, and THEN a week after that, Stella got herself fired, too! Wow…go figure. And the timing…well…I got fired on the last day the kids had school because it also happened to be just at the end of the fiscal year at my last job. So at least we didn't have daycare to pay for over the next few weeks. Stella got fired a week before the kids were to spend a few weeks with her. Same thing…that…happened…..to her....the….previous…..year…….. So, Stella spent the first 4 weeks of her summer visitation at home with the kids (and with no car…we're pretty sure she took out a title loan on it, then the car broke, then she defaulted on the loan, and the car was "removed" from her apartment complex without her consent. Second time that's happened.). After 4 weeks, just as the summer before, she started up hard with the job search and found a new "career!" (every new job is a "Fantastic New Career!!"), most likely because she could never handle having the kids around 24/7 for long periods of time. I kind-of empathize with her, because I get stressed out every time vacation comes around and I'm stuck home to entertain them. But then again, she chose to have kids. I inherited them. Oh, she didn't start really paying child support after she found work again, but hey….got that new job. And was hauled into court by Guy right around her start for non-payment of child support and reimbursements while she HAD a job the four months before that, so she was forced to tell the judge where she then worked, and child support started getting garnished again a few weeks before the wedding. Then after the wedding, I finally found another job. A MUCH BETTER job, and I'm so grateful for it….
Because three days after Christmas, then Guy was fired from HIS job. And didn't find another one until about 6 weeks later. He's working now, but our finances are screwed….and Stella changed jobs AGAIN about a week after Guy started working…. We just can't win. We did find out where she's working, again, but in the last 6 weeks we've only gotten 1 child support payment, where 3 should have been received.
The problem we're facing now, aside from the usual crap we put up with from Stella, is clearly financial and it's straining our brand-new marriage. I'm suddenly the primary breadwinner in the household (and as much as Guy says that's cool, it's clearly not). Plus, now we actually NEED the child support.
Almost all of my girlfriends who are in this situation say, "NEVER depend on child support." They're right. But what about when you need it and it isn't there? Even Dave Ramsey, the God of Budgeting and Cash Management, says that if you receive CS, it should be incorporated into your household budget. The problem is, trying to make sure it comes in, when you need it, so that that you can balance that budget. That's where we're failing miserably right now.
What are our options? Normally, we have two paths - go through the court, or go through the State and have them deal with it.
We tried the court path first, last year, when Stella had initially been refusing to pay her reimbursements due and refusing to pay her child support, despite being employed. Brief recap of the timeline, plus when we tried to go through the courts….6 months after the custody change, Stella lost the job she'd had for 4 1/2 years. Poof went the benefits she'd been providing, and poof went child support, yet she never told the court she was unemployed, and the balances kept racking up for the benefits and support she was supposed to be providing. Four months later, and four weeks into her visitation period with the kids that summer, she FINALLY found a new "career" but refused to tell us where she was working. Four months after that, we finally tracked down her employer, but it took a while to get child support going again and it wasn't until 2 months after finding her employer's information that we received our first payment in 5 months. Just before getting CS started again, Guy filed for enforcement through the court, and had an "enforcement conference" with an officer of the court and Stella, in which Stella was found responsible for all back-due costs, made to pay Guy's fees for bringing the matter to court in the first place, and had 2 judgments issued against her with monthly payments set. Four months after that, Guy filed for contempt against Stella, due to the fact that Stella had already, again, gotten behind on her child support payments (even though her employer was supposed to be garnishing her wages - but they were doing so incorrectly, Stella knew, and did nothing thinking it wasn't her responsibility because, of course, it never is) and she wasn't making her court-ordered payments on the judgment she was supposed to be paying on. Then I got fired, then Stella got fired the day that the Motion for Contempt hit the public docket…. Then summer started. Four weeks into that, Stella found her next new "career" and that lasted about 6 months again. Then she changed jobs voluntarily at the beginning of this year, didn't tell the court where, we tracked her down AGAIN and just submitted the paperwork for her and finally started getting CS again two weeks ago, after nothing for about 6 weeks, as previously mentioned. Is your head spinning? Because mine hasn't STOPPED spinning since 6 months after the custody change when this whole mess started.
The last court hearing happened a month after Guy and I got married, which was 3 months after Guy filed for relief, which also was the day after Stella started her next-to-last "new career" aka the job she held before the job she has now. Stella went in to the hearing with no evidence, not having filed the ORDERED financial disclosures, and crying. By contrast, Guy went in there calm, having properly filed every single thing that had been required of him, on time, and in the right format. Well, for the first time, he got SCREWED by a mother-friendly judge who, based on her ruling, didn't look at any of Guy's evidence, didn't care that Stella hadn't disclosed anything about her financial situation other than a couple of pay stubs, and the judge made reference, in the final ruling, to things Stella had sobbed out in court but for which she offered no supporting evidence. So, the judge was clearly a soft-hearted idiot who didn't like Guy and felt that Stella deserved a break….because clearly the judge hadn't read the case file, nor looked at anything that had been filed for court preparation.
Now, Guy was asking for contempt in that hearing. According to the law, had the judge bothered to enforce it, he should have gotten contempt and a bond imposed on Stella, which obviously didn't happen. The judge DID give Guy two more judgments against Stella, though….but did not specify any payments for Stella to make (so, of course, she hasn't made any). Stella is behind in child support and reimbursements AGAIN as I type this (that's THREE sets of arrears in a year), so Guy can now choose to go the enforcement, not contempt, route again that is offered by the state we deal with. This would probably result in another judgment being established, and which would be heard by a conference officer again, and then forwarded to a commissioner who sees deadbeat parents and deals with unpaid monies owed every day, not a judge who sees all family court issues. The best a commissioner could do, most likely, would be to impose that bond. But there's still all of the conference and hearing prep that we would have to do, plus a filing fee.
The option that Guy has chosen to take is to just go through the State. FINALLY. Going through Child Support Enforcement (CSE) is a drawn-out process. But for the person filing it just involves a big packet of paperwork and then the matter is taken out of the filing party's hands. This is good and bad - being a little bit of control freaks (yes…Guy and I are….) giving a state agency the responsibility of making sure there's money coming into our household from Stella is a scary thought. State agencies are slow. They are backlogged (why are they always backlogged?), and they give the most attention to cases in which one of the parties was receiving state or federal assistance, like unemployment, food stamps, or Medicaid, because they want to make their money back. Rarely does anyone mention that when they bring up going through the state for enforcement…if you take assistance from the state and get food stamps or welfare, but you're owed child support, the state will want their money back from the party who was supposed to be paying you in the first place because presumably, if you had been getting the support you were due, you wouldn't have needed food stamps or welfare. Alternatively, if you owe child support but you're receiving government aid, the state is going to want to get to your case first, because if they're spending money on you that they shouldn't be, they want to know about it.
The reason that going through the state is a good thing, though, is because they take care of EVERYTHING. They handle modifications for free when they're requested. They go after the child support obligee when payments aren't received on time or in full. They can seize tax returns, take chunks of unemployment payments (which is especially helpful with you're dealing with a parent who "gets fired" a lot and is constantly on the dole), and they can even seize passports and driver's licenses (which is often a good incentive for obligees to get their butts in gear and pay their support, so that they can continue to legally drive at least to work and/or travel and avoid making that hole they've dug themselves any bigger). But again, as none of the parties in our case (not Guy, and not Stella….she keeps applying for unemployment and keeps getting rejected…weird….) have received state's assistance, Guy's case will go at the bottom of the pile, and we'll be lucky if we hear anything in the next 3 months.
In the meantime, we'll try and get by. Kids are SO EXPENSIVE, especially given the fact that Marsha needed to be put in therapy following last summer's visit with Stella and her clan (so, that's been approximately 6 months of therapy at this point…and is a story for another post), plus Marsha is extremely destructive where her clothing is concerned and it constantly needs replacing because she's splitting it open or making holes in it. And the kids are in sports (which we've determined is a need in their case - a constructive outlet). And they're growing, and eating…a lot…. and I had to take on the cost of the medical insurance because my job has benefits and Guy's does not…. Money is not our friend right now.
Hopefully things will get better. But for right now, they're tough. But hey, at least we started getting child support! Until Stella gets herself fired…again….
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