In my experience, and in the stories I've heard from friends who also suffer from having a Cluster-B type in their lives, these psychos just love to trade around their addictions. Sometimes it's an addiction to harassing their non-psycho ex. That's called "TALK TO MEEEEEEE" syndrome. Sometimes is a drug problem, sometimes it's alcohol, sometimes it's all three....and then sometimes, they like to trade whatever was "plaguing" them for religion. It's a miracle! In between making their ex's life miserable, manipulating the kids, and filing frivolous crap in court, your psycho ex found Jesus! THE Jesus! And He speaks through them. And to them. And now that they have Him, who can be against them, right? Oh...but He doesn't speak to you. No. You're not worthy. All of a sudden, the past transgressions they've committed are left to the wayside, the psycho ex "realizes" that he/she is a child of God, saved by the Lord Jesus Christ, and that their sins are now forgiven. So anything bad that happens, happens TO them, not because of them, and therefore everyone else around them who isn't down with their new dogma must be a heathen infested by the Debbil. Gotta love religion.
When Stella and Guy were married, she wasn't very religious. Guy, himself is not a very religious person as it is, and while Stella's family always went to church (separate churches - her mom is Catholic and her dad is Lutheran, and she went to the Lutheran church), she didn't seem to really get into religion until she also discovered adultery, and how to commit it. Funny how that happens.
People mostly turn to God when they're facing some kind of hardship - stress, death, heartache, financial troubles, job loss, etc. Hey, that might not sound pretty but it's true. Yes, there are plenty of people out there who are religious and who turn to God every day to express gratitude or ask for help. But for those who aren't always down with the G-O-D, it's the downturns that really make them look for help from a higher power. Sometimes it takes the realization of an enormity of a problem for someone to look to the enormity of the universe to seek answers and solutions. Why do you think so many death row, or long-time, inmates discover religion?
Stella is that way. She cheated on Guy about a year and a half after Johnny was born. She flew to another state, met up with a guy she'd met through her job (she was an enrollment counselor for online programs at a college, and he was a student), and proceeded to shit all over her marriage vows with him. Then she discovered Jesus! THE Jesus! She tried to cover up the affair, but wasn't very smart about it. When Guy found out about it, let's just say the marriage was over. They had a fight, she called the cops, he left willingly and stayed at a friend's place. Then they tried to patch things up and he moved back in, then it didn't work out and one night, after too many Bud Lights on both of their parts, they had another fight that ended with Stella staging the house to look like she'd been attacked and the cops coming AGAIN. This time, Guy knew that if he left the house, there was no guarantee he'd see the kids again any time soon, and he knew Stella would be taking most of his things and moving. See...she'd done this before. Back before Johnny was born. Back before she and Guy were married. Calling the cops, playing the victim, getting a restraining order, then moving with the kid(s) and the contents of the house was her M.O. Unfortunately, Guy never saw what was coming until it was too late, his stuff was gone, and he was filing in court to try and get visitation set up. So this last time, the police escorted him away unwillingly, and even though all charges against him were dropped by the cops (because they knew EXACTLY what Stella was trying to do, and according to their report, they would have arrested her as well for being drunken and disorderly, but someone had to stay with the kids), that doesn't prevent Stella from hanging that arrest over Guy's head every chance she gets.
After Stella "freed" herself from Guy's "evil ways" she got extremely preachy. She now quotes Bible verses (of course, out of context) all of the time. Praises Jesus every chance she gets. In the same breath she'll call Guy a Deadbeat Dad, drug addict, and loser, and then tell him that God knows the truth, and wish him a blessed day. Thank the Lord and Baby Jesus above that Stella no longer has custody. Due to her own "devilish ways" Stella lost custody almost two years ago by now. She had Skeezer, her loser boyfriend (who has since been evicted by the home thanks to court order obtained by Guy after Skeezer beat Stella in front of the kids and had the cops called on him) move in, terrorize the kids, terrorize her, and she didn't think that was a big deal. Sadly, she wanted to be "loved" and have a companion more than she wanted to be a good mother. So now, Stella is 9 months behind on her child support, hasn't helped Guy pay for Marsha's braces since the very first payment, hasn't reimbursed us for the fuel it takes to get the kids to her for visits in 9 months, let the medical insurance she was court-ordered to carry lapse forcing Guy to get his own policy, and she regularly puts her need for time at church above her "right" to talk to the kids. See, the orders state that each parent shall make the children available to the other, by phone between 7 and 8pm every night. Well, see, Stella looks at that timeline and the right for nightly phone contact as more of a suggestion, really, at least when the kids are with her. When the kids are with us, she damn well be getting that phone call! Except she expects the kids to call her first, most of the time. And she'll answer if she has the time. After all, she is THE ALMIGHTY MOTHER. NO ONE CAN BE AS IMPORTANT TO THE CHILDREN AS SHE. According to Stella, "Having a Father is important, but only a Mother can know exactly what the children can need, and only I am capable of caring for them the way they need to be cared for." What the fuck ever.
Anyone else find it funny that God is often thought of as a man, but these crazy bitches with golden uteri believe that mothers are more important to the well-being of "their" children? Because the children are always just theirs. No one else's. Just theirs.
The hypocrisy displayed by these "God-fearing" Cluster-B types is astounding. God help us.
Wednesday, December 5, 2012
Thursday, April 26, 2012
The Psychos Among Us
A friend of mine posted this on another site:
"Wikipedia says: 'The prevalence of this disorder is 3% in males and 1% from females, as stated in the DSM IV-TR.'
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sociopath
So 3 out of every 100 people you meet on the street are likely sociopath.
When you go through the rest of the Wikipedia entries and look at the percentages, there's 1 to 2% Borderline, another 1 to 2% Histronic, and so on and so on... which means about 17 to 20% of the population is nucking futz."
Whoa, that's high. So, almost 1 in every 5 people you meet could have a personality disorder of some kind. That doesn't make me feel too sane myself, but it's even scarier knowing that so many of the people out there could be literally, professionally, diagnosed as having a dose of bad crazy.
How does this happen? And why are there so many people in need of mental drugs these days? Not enough vitamins? Too many McDonald's pink-slime burgers? Carbon monoxide emissions in the environment? I wish I knew. I bet a lot of people wish they knew. Although one thing I have come across is that the personality disorders are often learned.
Of course the one disorder I've done the most research on is Borderline Personality Disorder. I'm no mental health professional, but from the data gathered for my armchair diagnosis, that's what I think Stella has. The DSM-IV says this about BPD:
A pervasive pattern of instability of interpersonal relationships, self-image, and affects, and marked impulsivity beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five (or more) of the following:
1. frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment. Note: Do not include suicidal or self-mutilating behavior covered in Criterion 5.
2. a pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation.
3. identity disturbance: markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self.
4. impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g., spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating). Note: Do not include suicidal or self-mutilating behavior covered in Criterion 5.
5. recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, or threats, or self-mutilating behavior
6. affective instability due to a marked reactivity of mood (e.g., intense episodic dysphoria, irritability, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days).
7. chronic feelings of emptiness
8. inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights)
9. transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms
....and the explanation goes on. For more information, go to http://www.borderlinepersonalitytoday.com/main/dsmiv.htm
But for now, I'll give a truncated version of the explanations. BPD is learned behavior, not natural behavior. It stems from a fear of abandonment experienced as a child or teen (or thereabouts) and really kicks in during early adulthood. It never presents by itself and almost always is accompanied by the presence of a substance abuse problem, eating disorder, or gambling problem. BPDs love conflict because of the attention they get, and they're known LIARS, among other things. They love drama and often do things to create drama. They're charming at first and then once they start to fear that they'll be abandoned and that their charms have worn off, they become really difficult to deal with because they play the "I hate you, don't leave me" game.
So, the question is, why the hell do people keep associating with these crazies? No, really? Why? When I think someone is nuts, I distance myself. I'm nice to everyone, but I keep the psychos at an arm's length. It's all I can do not to think of Steve Buscemi's character in "Billy Madison" and how Billy apologized for picking on Steve's character in high school...and Billy was saved later by Steve's crazy character. See? Always be nice to the crazies because you never want them against you. But date them to keep them quiet? No thanks.
I've had several conversations with Guy about how/why/WTF he was thinking when, he got together with Stella. Many of my other friends who have significant others with similar crazy exes have asked these questions, too, and the common answers are basically, "Well, she was FUN! And DIFFERENT! And so SPONTANEOUS!" To my friends and me....these are not bad qualities. But when someone is on a never-ending quest to make everything fun, different, and spontaneous, maybe it's because they're incapable of maintaining a status-quo for more than a couple of days? Maybe they're always anxious to move onto the next thing because they've fucked up the last thing and are too lazy, or don't know how, to fix it.
Stella moves pretty frequently. Every couple of years. Mostly it seems because she believes she deserves more than she has, but then after she makes a move financial circumstances whack her in the face and she has to move to a place she can actually afford. For example, during the divorce, she moved the kids to a house with three bedrooms, got them a small dog, had a yard she never kept up....she was getting a pretty good amount of child support arrears accrued from the separation period before the divorce, and was getting child support. Then a year later the arrears stopped, and Guy lost his job, and child support went down, so she moved into a townhome that was more appropriate. Then a year after that she had met Skeezer and decided they should have a house again, even though the only income she had was child support and her job and Skeezer was unemployed. Then a month later Skeezer was kicked out of her house by court order and she realized again that she really couldn't afford the house and moved into a two-bedroom apartment 4 months after that. See? Complete instability. And there were kids being moved with her every freaking time and yes, they did change schools after the townhome, but all of the moves happened within 2 years.
Stella also has maybe 1 close friend who's consistently been around for the last 15 years. The rest of her "old friends" are people from school growing up who only talk to her occasionally on Facebook.
During her marriage to Guy she drank like a fish, and now it seems she's replaced most of her alcohol consumption with love for Jesus Christ. That's another ball of wax to go into...but basically, she's addicted to the idea of forgiveness no matter what. Dear Lord, save us from her sins.
I see some of those qualities in Marsha sometimes and it scares the crap out of Guy and me. Marsha takes after Stella a lot. She's a little scatter-brained, looks like her mom, and can be a complete bitch like her mom (yes, I just called an 11 year old a bitch, and who hasn't wanted to do that! It's something I would NEVER do to her face, but since I'm here with you online friends, I think it's appropriate). Marsha also has a tendency to try and use people up and spit them out...just...like...her...mom. The only trauma Marsha has been through has been trauma caused by her mom in the form of lots of moving, switching schools, and being exposed to domestic violence because her mom had a shitty boyfriend move in who liked to scream at the kids and beat on Johnny. But otherwise, Marsha hasn't been exposed to any trauma that would bring on some of those behaviors. None. So it looks like we're dealing with some adjustment issues and we're working with her on being nicer to other people, apologizing for the things she does wrong, and learning to have more empathy. It's the empathy that's really the key. And the stability. For the first time, she's living a life where she's been reassured that she will not be moving on in a couple of years. The people she knows now are going to be with her a while, so she'd better maintain strong bridges.
Now, getting back to what makes us pick these crazy partners in the first place, once when I was single and forlorn, a friend told me to start using the "power of positive thinking." Sounded extremely cheesy, but what she said to do was to picture the way I wanted to feel in a relationship. Something realistic. Like, feeling loved, respected, appreciated. Then picture the kind of PERSONALITY qualities I wanted in a mate. Someone who made me laugh, was smart, sensible. Then start picturing what, realistically, my "must haves" and "dealbreakers" were for a relationship. Forget about physical characteristics. Biology takes care of that. But mentally, that's what I needed to look for. When I met Guy, I had a feeling he was what I was looking for, and hey! I got lucky. Don't get me wrong, there are a lot of things about him that drive me nuts (he smokes...yuck, and he's a REPUBLICAN...oy vey) but all of the stuff I wanted was there. My specific criteria, in addition to all of the mental and emotional stuff, was that any guy I dated had to have a job, a car, and have gone to some college. Check, check, and check with Guy. Unfortunately he also came with a lot of actual and emotional baggage, but he's worth it. I just wish I had known better about his ex-wife's crazy...not that I would have run screaming for the hills, but I could have been better prepared. Still, though, I went into my relationship deliberately and with forethought, and avoided being roped in by a crazy.
These guys who marry/impregnate BPDs and other forms of crazy don't know what they should be looking for in a relationship before it's too late. They get trapped and then later messily divorced or dragged to court. Just keep in mind before you date that if someone seems too good to be true because they're all over the place, chances are they're crazy. If they don't have any friends who they've known for more than a couple of years, they're probably nuts. If they don't speak to their parents or have bad relationships....well, that one's complicated, but definitely a red flag worth exploring. If they're moody, find out before you have sex.
It's not hard to spot the crazies among us. As in, the really harmful crazies. They don't have to walk around with signs, or be screaming. It's all about the kind of lives they live - are they constant attention-seekers? Why? Are they kind? Why or why not? Are they respectful? Yes or no? I'm not saying to banish those people altogether. I believe that we were all put on this planet for a reason, even if that reason is just to help other people be stronger by learning how to contain a mentally crazy person. But, it pays to know exactly what you're getting into, before you get into it, or have sex with it, or introduce it to your friends.
"Wikipedia says: 'The prevalence of this disorder is 3% in males and 1% from females, as stated in the DSM IV-TR.'
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Sociopath
So 3 out of every 100 people you meet on the street are likely sociopath.
When you go through the rest of the Wikipedia entries and look at the percentages, there's 1 to 2% Borderline, another 1 to 2% Histronic, and so on and so on... which means about 17 to 20% of the population is nucking futz."
Whoa, that's high. So, almost 1 in every 5 people you meet could have a personality disorder of some kind. That doesn't make me feel too sane myself, but it's even scarier knowing that so many of the people out there could be literally, professionally, diagnosed as having a dose of bad crazy.
How does this happen? And why are there so many people in need of mental drugs these days? Not enough vitamins? Too many McDonald's pink-slime burgers? Carbon monoxide emissions in the environment? I wish I knew. I bet a lot of people wish they knew. Although one thing I have come across is that the personality disorders are often learned.
Of course the one disorder I've done the most research on is Borderline Personality Disorder. I'm no mental health professional, but from the data gathered for my armchair diagnosis, that's what I think Stella has. The DSM-IV says this about BPD:
Borderline Personality Disorder DSM IV Criteria
A pervasive pattern of instability of interpersonal relationships, self-image, and affects, and marked impulsivity beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicated by five (or more) of the following:
1. frantic efforts to avoid real or imagined abandonment. Note: Do not include suicidal or self-mutilating behavior covered in Criterion 5.
2. a pattern of unstable and intense interpersonal relationships characterized by alternating between extremes of idealization and devaluation.
3. identity disturbance: markedly and persistently unstable self-image or sense of self.
4. impulsivity in at least two areas that are potentially self-damaging (e.g., spending, sex, substance abuse, reckless driving, binge eating). Note: Do not include suicidal or self-mutilating behavior covered in Criterion 5.
5. recurrent suicidal behavior, gestures, or threats, or self-mutilating behavior
6. affective instability due to a marked reactivity of mood (e.g., intense episodic dysphoria, irritability, or anxiety usually lasting a few hours and only rarely more than a few days).
7. chronic feelings of emptiness
8. inappropriate, intense anger or difficulty controlling anger (e.g., frequent displays of temper, constant anger, recurrent physical fights)
9. transient, stress-related paranoid ideation or severe dissociative symptoms
....and the explanation goes on. For more information, go to http://www.borderlinepersonalitytoday.com/main/dsmiv.htm
But for now, I'll give a truncated version of the explanations. BPD is learned behavior, not natural behavior. It stems from a fear of abandonment experienced as a child or teen (or thereabouts) and really kicks in during early adulthood. It never presents by itself and almost always is accompanied by the presence of a substance abuse problem, eating disorder, or gambling problem. BPDs love conflict because of the attention they get, and they're known LIARS, among other things. They love drama and often do things to create drama. They're charming at first and then once they start to fear that they'll be abandoned and that their charms have worn off, they become really difficult to deal with because they play the "I hate you, don't leave me" game.
So, the question is, why the hell do people keep associating with these crazies? No, really? Why? When I think someone is nuts, I distance myself. I'm nice to everyone, but I keep the psychos at an arm's length. It's all I can do not to think of Steve Buscemi's character in "Billy Madison" and how Billy apologized for picking on Steve's character in high school...and Billy was saved later by Steve's crazy character. See? Always be nice to the crazies because you never want them against you. But date them to keep them quiet? No thanks.
I've had several conversations with Guy about how/why/WTF he was thinking when, he got together with Stella. Many of my other friends who have significant others with similar crazy exes have asked these questions, too, and the common answers are basically, "Well, she was FUN! And DIFFERENT! And so SPONTANEOUS!" To my friends and me....these are not bad qualities. But when someone is on a never-ending quest to make everything fun, different, and spontaneous, maybe it's because they're incapable of maintaining a status-quo for more than a couple of days? Maybe they're always anxious to move onto the next thing because they've fucked up the last thing and are too lazy, or don't know how, to fix it.
Stella moves pretty frequently. Every couple of years. Mostly it seems because she believes she deserves more than she has, but then after she makes a move financial circumstances whack her in the face and she has to move to a place she can actually afford. For example, during the divorce, she moved the kids to a house with three bedrooms, got them a small dog, had a yard she never kept up....she was getting a pretty good amount of child support arrears accrued from the separation period before the divorce, and was getting child support. Then a year later the arrears stopped, and Guy lost his job, and child support went down, so she moved into a townhome that was more appropriate. Then a year after that she had met Skeezer and decided they should have a house again, even though the only income she had was child support and her job and Skeezer was unemployed. Then a month later Skeezer was kicked out of her house by court order and she realized again that she really couldn't afford the house and moved into a two-bedroom apartment 4 months after that. See? Complete instability. And there were kids being moved with her every freaking time and yes, they did change schools after the townhome, but all of the moves happened within 2 years.
Stella also has maybe 1 close friend who's consistently been around for the last 15 years. The rest of her "old friends" are people from school growing up who only talk to her occasionally on Facebook.
During her marriage to Guy she drank like a fish, and now it seems she's replaced most of her alcohol consumption with love for Jesus Christ. That's another ball of wax to go into...but basically, she's addicted to the idea of forgiveness no matter what. Dear Lord, save us from her sins.
I see some of those qualities in Marsha sometimes and it scares the crap out of Guy and me. Marsha takes after Stella a lot. She's a little scatter-brained, looks like her mom, and can be a complete bitch like her mom (yes, I just called an 11 year old a bitch, and who hasn't wanted to do that! It's something I would NEVER do to her face, but since I'm here with you online friends, I think it's appropriate). Marsha also has a tendency to try and use people up and spit them out...just...like...her...mom. The only trauma Marsha has been through has been trauma caused by her mom in the form of lots of moving, switching schools, and being exposed to domestic violence because her mom had a shitty boyfriend move in who liked to scream at the kids and beat on Johnny. But otherwise, Marsha hasn't been exposed to any trauma that would bring on some of those behaviors. None. So it looks like we're dealing with some adjustment issues and we're working with her on being nicer to other people, apologizing for the things she does wrong, and learning to have more empathy. It's the empathy that's really the key. And the stability. For the first time, she's living a life where she's been reassured that she will not be moving on in a couple of years. The people she knows now are going to be with her a while, so she'd better maintain strong bridges.
Now, getting back to what makes us pick these crazy partners in the first place, once when I was single and forlorn, a friend told me to start using the "power of positive thinking." Sounded extremely cheesy, but what she said to do was to picture the way I wanted to feel in a relationship. Something realistic. Like, feeling loved, respected, appreciated. Then picture the kind of PERSONALITY qualities I wanted in a mate. Someone who made me laugh, was smart, sensible. Then start picturing what, realistically, my "must haves" and "dealbreakers" were for a relationship. Forget about physical characteristics. Biology takes care of that. But mentally, that's what I needed to look for. When I met Guy, I had a feeling he was what I was looking for, and hey! I got lucky. Don't get me wrong, there are a lot of things about him that drive me nuts (he smokes...yuck, and he's a REPUBLICAN...oy vey) but all of the stuff I wanted was there. My specific criteria, in addition to all of the mental and emotional stuff, was that any guy I dated had to have a job, a car, and have gone to some college. Check, check, and check with Guy. Unfortunately he also came with a lot of actual and emotional baggage, but he's worth it. I just wish I had known better about his ex-wife's crazy...not that I would have run screaming for the hills, but I could have been better prepared. Still, though, I went into my relationship deliberately and with forethought, and avoided being roped in by a crazy.
These guys who marry/impregnate BPDs and other forms of crazy don't know what they should be looking for in a relationship before it's too late. They get trapped and then later messily divorced or dragged to court. Just keep in mind before you date that if someone seems too good to be true because they're all over the place, chances are they're crazy. If they don't have any friends who they've known for more than a couple of years, they're probably nuts. If they don't speak to their parents or have bad relationships....well, that one's complicated, but definitely a red flag worth exploring. If they're moody, find out before you have sex.
It's not hard to spot the crazies among us. As in, the really harmful crazies. They don't have to walk around with signs, or be screaming. It's all about the kind of lives they live - are they constant attention-seekers? Why? Are they kind? Why or why not? Are they respectful? Yes or no? I'm not saying to banish those people altogether. I believe that we were all put on this planet for a reason, even if that reason is just to help other people be stronger by learning how to contain a mentally crazy person. But, it pays to know exactly what you're getting into, before you get into it, or have sex with it, or introduce it to your friends.
Thursday, April 19, 2012
There's Always Another Shoe...
Every time Stella goes quiet (well, almost every time) it's because she either just got legally spanked or because she's plotting. Or, in the strange case of the period between this last Thanksgiving (2011) and St. Patrick's Day (2012) it's because she didn't have anything to fight about and was being given things like extra time with the kids.
Stella lost her job in early March of this year. She had 2 week's notice that it was coming. Her position was eliminated and it didn't seem like her workplace tried especially hard to find her a new spot, but they did give her severance. Guy started asking her about medical insurance for the kids, to which she always replied, "No, don't worry. I've got it. I love our children and their wellbeing (sic) is always my first priority!" Whatever. Spring break comes around and we know the kids' medical insurance through Stella's severance package from work was going to expire the day after Stella got the kids for her visitation. Guy asked her at the exchange if she'd gotten new medical insurance, and could he please have the cards? "Oh, don't worry. I put in with. It's all applied for and everything, I'm just waiting for them to call me back." So I turned to Guy and said, "So....the kids don't have medical insurance." He called out to Stella, "Well, I need the policy information. Please send that to me ASAP." "Right," she called back, "Will do." Then he turned to me, "Nope. Kids are uninsured. CRAP."
We got in the car and drove away, and while I was at the wheel Guy put down in writing his dismay, tactfully, at Stella leaving the kids uninsured. What ensued was the usual douchebaggery from her, including, "Stop harassing me, bully! UR just as much responsible for medical care as I am. Hey, dick, I lost my job and had bills to pay and rent, and you never look after the best interests of the kids...blah blah blah," text messages rife with spelling mistakes. Of course, she clarified in one of the bullshit texts she sent that it was the "damn voice texting" that was making the mistakes. Yup, she was voice-texting this shit while she was taking the kids from where we met up back to Phoenix. She was voice-texting WITHIN EARSHOT of the kids. Oh, and then in one of the texts stated that Marsha was reading the texts! With Stella's blessing, because the texts just popped up on Stella's phone and Marsha was using it to play a game....lovely. Parental Alienation plain and simple. So great.
This crap continued for Guy all week. He kept prodding for the medical insurance info., she kept dodging the question and calling him names or complaining that we didn't send the kids to her with nice enough clothing. Guy ended up just adding the kids to his ridiculously expensive and California-only insurance through work because that's all he could afford. After that, Stella went silent. She never goes silent. What was she up to, I wondered? Had to be something...
Well, while the kids were at Stella's for Spring Break 2012!, Guy got copies of Stella's paycheck stubs from her last job for all of the payments from November through the present, including her severance pay stub. Guy has a judgment against Stella from the custody case where she was found in contempt and ordered to pay almost all of our attorney's fees. Guy was having a collection firm in Phoenix garnish Stella's wages. Not sure she noticed...but it was happening. Turns out they didn't garnish her severance check and they were supposed to.
In the middle of one of Stella's text-message diatribes during the week in response to Guy's again prodding for the medical policy number, Guy told her that he knew she had the money to pay for medical insurance because he was staring at her severance check stub, and noticed that her severance check hadn't been properly garnished for the judgment, but she needn't worry because his lawyer was looking into that. She changed her tone, and her tune, very quickly. The verbal abuse stopped abruptly and his only reply was, "I did my due diligence. Got the kids insurance. I didn't know the waiting period for it to be active would take so long." Whatever again.
In all truthfulness, our collections attorney for this garnishment process has been extremely sloppy and uncommunicative. We never know what's going on. Guy tells them what he thinks is happening, and forwarded over all of Stella's pay stubs, but then he never hears back. When he got the severance check stub he sent that over with a message that basically said, "WTF? Wasn't this check supposed to have been garnished?" He ACTUALLY got a phone call reply with a definitive YES. And they ACTUALLY filed a motion with the court to recoup the money that should have been garnished on...the first day after we got the kids back, which was the first day that Stella shut her fat mouth. She's been extremely quiet ever since...
There's no such thing as true "civility" with a Psycho Ex. When they run out of things to fight about they calm down, but it's only because they're looking for something to fight about. Stella was too overcome with her glee at being given a HUGE chunk of money at once to remember that it was supposed to last her 2 months. Plus I did the math, and she was given a severance that was approximately equal in a net amount to what she earned in two months as a gross amount, and her net payment for severance didn't have ANYTHING taken out of it other than taxes - not medical insurance, not life insurance, not the judgment garnishment, not a thing. Had she paid the medical insurance privately with her severance pay, she would have approximately been left with a remaining amount equal to her net pay when she was working. Good grief. The stupidity is amazing. It shouldn't be at this point, but it is.
Stella lost her job in early March of this year. She had 2 week's notice that it was coming. Her position was eliminated and it didn't seem like her workplace tried especially hard to find her a new spot, but they did give her severance. Guy started asking her about medical insurance for the kids, to which she always replied, "No, don't worry. I've got it. I love our children and their wellbeing (sic) is always my first priority!" Whatever. Spring break comes around and we know the kids' medical insurance through Stella's severance package from work was going to expire the day after Stella got the kids for her visitation. Guy asked her at the exchange if she'd gotten new medical insurance, and could he please have the cards? "Oh, don't worry. I put in with
We got in the car and drove away, and while I was at the wheel Guy put down in writing his dismay, tactfully, at Stella leaving the kids uninsured. What ensued was the usual douchebaggery from her, including, "Stop harassing me, bully! UR just as much responsible for medical care as I am. Hey, dick, I lost my job and had bills to pay and rent, and you never look after the best interests of the kids...blah blah blah," text messages rife with spelling mistakes. Of course, she clarified in one of the bullshit texts she sent that it was the "damn voice texting" that was making the mistakes. Yup, she was voice-texting this shit while she was taking the kids from where we met up back to Phoenix. She was voice-texting WITHIN EARSHOT of the kids. Oh, and then in one of the texts stated that Marsha was reading the texts! With Stella's blessing, because the texts just popped up on Stella's phone and Marsha was using it to play a game....lovely. Parental Alienation plain and simple. So great.
This crap continued for Guy all week. He kept prodding for the medical insurance info., she kept dodging the question and calling him names or complaining that we didn't send the kids to her with nice enough clothing. Guy ended up just adding the kids to his ridiculously expensive and California-only insurance through work because that's all he could afford. After that, Stella went silent. She never goes silent. What was she up to, I wondered? Had to be something...
Well, while the kids were at Stella's for Spring Break 2012!, Guy got copies of Stella's paycheck stubs from her last job for all of the payments from November through the present, including her severance pay stub. Guy has a judgment against Stella from the custody case where she was found in contempt and ordered to pay almost all of our attorney's fees. Guy was having a collection firm in Phoenix garnish Stella's wages. Not sure she noticed...but it was happening. Turns out they didn't garnish her severance check and they were supposed to.
In the middle of one of Stella's text-message diatribes during the week in response to Guy's again prodding for the medical policy number, Guy told her that he knew she had the money to pay for medical insurance because he was staring at her severance check stub, and noticed that her severance check hadn't been properly garnished for the judgment, but she needn't worry because his lawyer was looking into that. She changed her tone, and her tune, very quickly. The verbal abuse stopped abruptly and his only reply was, "I did my due diligence. Got the kids insurance. I didn't know the waiting period for it to be active would take so long." Whatever again.
In all truthfulness, our collections attorney for this garnishment process has been extremely sloppy and uncommunicative. We never know what's going on. Guy tells them what he thinks is happening, and forwarded over all of Stella's pay stubs, but then he never hears back. When he got the severance check stub he sent that over with a message that basically said, "WTF? Wasn't this check supposed to have been garnished?" He ACTUALLY got a phone call reply with a definitive YES. And they ACTUALLY filed a motion with the court to recoup the money that should have been garnished on...the first day after we got the kids back, which was the first day that Stella shut her fat mouth. She's been extremely quiet ever since...
There's no such thing as true "civility" with a Psycho Ex. When they run out of things to fight about they calm down, but it's only because they're looking for something to fight about. Stella was too overcome with her glee at being given a HUGE chunk of money at once to remember that it was supposed to last her 2 months. Plus I did the math, and she was given a severance that was approximately equal in a net amount to what she earned in two months as a gross amount, and her net payment for severance didn't have ANYTHING taken out of it other than taxes - not medical insurance, not life insurance, not the judgment garnishment, not a thing. Had she paid the medical insurance privately with her severance pay, she would have approximately been left with a remaining amount equal to her net pay when she was working. Good grief. The stupidity is amazing. It shouldn't be at this point, but it is.
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